There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
