You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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