I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
