This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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