Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
