You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
