okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
