I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
