They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
