Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize