I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
