dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
