cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
