hell yes lets make some ravioli
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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