We're like a lot better than the average bears
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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