I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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