So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize