Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
