Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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