im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
