She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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