Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
