How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
