chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
