Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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