i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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