I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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