she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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