my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
