Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
The uberlube is also flammable
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Randomize
