You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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