I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
