I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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