How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
