walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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