She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
