Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
