There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
