This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm too high and old for this...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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