I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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