He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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