I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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