did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
