maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
