i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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