Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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