Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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