Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
