and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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