I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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