please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
