The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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