are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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