Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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