He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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