You really coming over, don't trick.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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