I don't usually arrange sex via text message
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize