I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
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