i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
