I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
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