I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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