I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
The beer is more important than you right now.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
