Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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