Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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