Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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