like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
