Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
