That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
