Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
