Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
