Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
