Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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