I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
