I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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