I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
