i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
