chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
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