break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I love you. Go after that dick
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
