I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
