Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
