Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
