Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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