I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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