idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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