She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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