also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
