Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
