I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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