hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
