Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
