Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize