If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
