two words: eviction party
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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