You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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