Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
