I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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