I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
