I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
