you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
