Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize