what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
